Mommy Has a Migraine, by Kes

Mommy has a Migraine, Baby.  Please go play alone.
Alone does not mean destructively - give me back my phone.

Do you really have to nurse right now? I think I might throw up.
No I will not put strawberry jelly into your sippy cup.

Come back inside and close the door - oh look, the dog is gone.
He'll come back eventually - no need for him anon.

Mommy has a migraine, my love, please use your inside voice.
Screaming in your sister's face is NOT a valid choice.

If I throw these chicken nuggets at you, will you please go away?
Sorry no gourmet meals - mommy feels like crap today.

Why yes mom does feel "really sick."  What will make her better?
For you to go to grandma's house - don't forget your sweater!

Mommy has a migraine today - mommy can barely walk.
Yes please run around me in circles and do nothing but talk talk talk!

You'll be safe unsupervised for 15 fifteen minutes, right?
I just need to tell the toilet all about my plight.

Mommy has a migraine today, and feels really super lousy.
I will resort to Benedryl in order to make you drowsy.

Oh look what you found - cheese, yogurt, milk, and a spoon.
You probably shouldn't eat all that or you'll be sick all afternoon.

Wait, sick? Sick in bed you say? Oh no, that'd be bad.
Here have some more sour cream, Love, I promise I won't be mad.

Oh dear what have I done? You're all three sick in bed!
However will I deal with the silence that's pounding through my head?

Mommy has a migraine, Monsters, and just about anything goes.
Go to sleep and leave me alone, do you know how much this blows?

You can't have boobs, you can't have crayons, and you can't have a drink.
Mommy has a migraine, children, and she can't even think.

Put down the paint, step away from the dog, and just go play in your room.
With any luck I can go ignore you and Daddy will be home soon.

Car Seat Safety, revisited.

The US law about turning a child around in the car is one year AND 20 pounds.  If someone tells you that "10 months is close enough" or "they weigh 20 pounds so it's fine" - they are wrong.  They are encouraging you to break the law.  Don't listen.

Your Pediatrician is not a Certified Car Seat Technician, or a Manuel

Pediatricians don't always know everything about keeping children safe.  Their job is to keep children healthy.  Their job is to treat illness, and prevent death from virus, bacteria, disease, infection, etc.  While sometimes they know what they are talking about, it's unfair to expect them to know everything.

If your child were to drink draino, would you call your pediatrician, or would you call poison control? If you think your child has a broken arm, do you take them to the eye doctor? While an eye doctor may be able to diagnose a broken arm, and while a pediatrician may know what to do in the case of draino indigestion, your instinct and experience tells you to pick the BEST source of information available to you.  Car seat safety shouldn't be any different.

Laws are not choices

A LOT of people will exceed a posted speed limit, because the penalty for doing so isn't very high.  Nevermind the added risk of speeding, nevermind the fact that speed limits aren't just arbitrary numbers picked by people in order to generate revenue.  Obviously they are a good way of generating revenue, but that's not the point.  If you'll notice, though - many will speed on a regular road, but few will speed through a school zone or an active construction zone.  Why? Because the penalty is higher in these areas - usually double.  People aren't willing to risk that.  Few actually consider that a child MAY run into the road, and going to posted speed limit will give you enough time to stop.  I'm sure it crosses minds at some point, but it's one of those "it'll never happen to me" kind of things.

Car seats LAWS exist for a reason.  They represent the bare minimum level of safety you can accomplish.  There is no law specifically about using the seat correctly, other than which direction it faces.  Most states have a law that says you must use the seat according to the manual, but if you're pulling over by police they don't care if the straps are tight enough or the chest clip is too low.  People will continue to ignore car seat laws until the penalty for breaking them is steeper.

Stop and Think About It

It's kind of sad really, how we as a society are inconsiderate of the lives of others, and even of our own children, when they get in the way of our own convenience.  Heaven forbid we take 60 seconds longer to arrive at work because we didn't want to risk the lives of ourselves or others on the road.  Heaven forbid we keep our children as safe as possible, even though they LOOK like they MIGHT BE uncomfortable (but probably aren't).

It also amazes me how many people take basic precautions in every other aspect of parenting.  We don't leave cleaning products where our toddlers can find them.  We don't let our toddlers play outside alone where we can't see them.  We don't let our toddlers go to the grocery store by themselves, or leave them home while we run to the market.  And yet we are content to risk injury to their internal organs, permanent paralysis, and even death because "they are happier when they can see me" and "it makes giving them snacks so much easier."  Doesn't really make much sense does it?

20 Facts You Know I'm Right About

1. The toilet paper is not going to put itself on the roll

2. There's always gonna be one douche bag that waits until the last second to merge, because somehow being 25 feet closer to the inevitable red light is superior to your position.

3. Movies you loved at 12 are rarely as good when you watch them at 25.  Their quality degrades over time.

4. Analog clocks without numbers on them should be banned.

5. Sarcasm is lost on the masses, especially when the masses are on the internet.  The same can be sad for intelligence and grammer. (catch that one?)

6. As time goes on, trends in baby names get stupider and less educated.

7. As time goes on, people get less educated in general.

8. As I get older, I find myself losing brain cells along the way.  I no longer remember things I used to remember.  This is obviously the fault of aliens.

9. Buying a brand new car is never the right decision.

10. Having a child won't make people grow up if they don't want to.

11. Sideways pony tails are never coming back.

12. Fitted sheets are best folded by being wadded into a ball and flung with no remorse into the linen closet.

13. Red lights exist so people don't have to text and drive at the same time.

14. Some names should be reserved for pets, cars, or video game characters.

15. Gene Roddenberry invented the eReader in the 60s.

16. There is nothing scarier than the moment you KNOW you are going to die because you tipped your chair back too far.

17. The light at the end of the tunnel is probably a train.

18. Television shows for toddlers and pre-schoolers, who are learning to talk and read, should not include made up words like "tellaterrific" or "alphabatastic."  This is just counter productive, IMO.

19. Middle school is pretty much the third circle of Hell, and we're all lucky to have made it out alive.

20. High school drama never ends in high school.

The Not So Good Wife's Guide

It seems like every woman in the country has heard about this "article from Housekeeping Monthly" published in 1955, and is sufficiently outraged by its content.  And apparently A LOT of people would jump off a bridge if a chain letter circulating via email told them to.  A quick Google search was enough to tell me that the whole thing is fake.  There was no print up in Housekeeping Monthly, and there probably wasn't even a Housekeeping Monthly.  There was no write up in an economics text book, either.  It's mere an over exaggerated view of how the life of a woman was in the 1950s, so we can feel SUPER good about how far we've come in the way we (society) view and treat our woman.

On the other hand, I'm not entirely sure that the mock "Good Wife's Guide" is 100% off the mark, as many suggest.  It's a list of 10 things "a good wife" does for her husband.  While I don't think that these things need to be done in order to be a good wife, I don't think all of them are completely out in left field, either. Let's discuss.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal  (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. 

Personally, I don't see anything all that wrong with this, and honestly it's the most convenient way to do things many nights if you have children.  Dinner doesn't have to be some huge, orchestrated production, but having it ready when he comes home doesn't seem that unreasonable.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. 

In theory, this one isn't horrible.  My husband tries very hard to not bring his work stress home with him, and it's a bit unfair for me to fling the children at him the second he walks in the door, and lock myself in the bedroom to scream into my pillow.  Of course I've done this, but to do it regularly seems crappy.  If he tries to not bring stress home, then I should probably try to not throw MY work stress in his face, either.  So taking fifteen minutes to decompress before he gets home, when it's possible to do so, seems like a fair trade.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables. 

I think this one is pretty fair.  Everyone I know is less stressed when the house is clean and decluttered.  Decreasing my husband's stress load doesn't seem unreasonable to me. 

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. 

Maybe I'm crazy, but the last part seems true.  I'm happier when my husband is happy, and I enjoy doing things for him, and doing things that make him happy.  Perhaps I'm just crazy.  Lighting a fire is mostly unnecessary these days, though.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet. 

Alright, we've finally reached a dumb one. I'm not gonna silence my children and stop my household chores when he comes home.  I do try to make sure the kids aren't screaming and throwing tantrums all at the same time, for the same reason i try to declutter before he gets home.

Be happy to see him. 

Oh yes.  This one is terrible, for sure.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. 

Don't get the issue with this one either, sorry.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

This seems overly exagerated, but I'll run with it.  Obviously this is false.  I do think it's a nice gesture to ask him "How was work?" when he walks in the door, and let him answer.  But his day is not inherently more important than mine.  In fact, he cares more about my day, because I always have stories about the kids, than I do about his, because I don't understand a single thing he does at work.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. 

There are some days when I want my husband home RIGHT now.  These are the days talked about above, where I throw the children across the room and run away as fast as I can before they come back to me like boomerangs.  Other than these days, I don't mind if my husband wanted to go to dinner with co-workers, or works late.  It doesn't seem unreasonable to let your husband have fun once in a while?

Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

That's my goal anyways.  While I do thrive with a little bit of chaos (obviously, or I wouldn't have popped out three kids in rapid fire succession and be begging my husband for another), but having a stress free home isn't a horrific goal.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems. 

Lol.  WTFever.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. 

This seems overkill.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. 

This one I'm sort of torn on to be honest.  Of course I have the RIGHT to question his decisions, but that doesn't mean I should.  He is the head of the household after all.  And I think it's obvious that not every husband will act with fairness and truthfulness every time.  But if you are married to someone who DOESN'T, then there are some issues that need to be resolved there.  Since my husband IS fair and honest, this doesn't create a problem for me.  And if he really wants me to take off his shoes and fluff his pillow, then why the heck not?

A good wife always knows her place.

This is pretty ambiguous, since it doesn't bother to define what that place is.  I know were my place is with my husband, my children, my responsibilities, and my dogs.  That's not a bad thing.

So okay.. maybe I'm a throwback to the supposed 1950s.  But I don't think that doing small things for your husband means you're a "kept woman" or that you're treated like a slave.  The problem isn't what the wife DOES, but how the husband accepts it, and reciprocates.

Not a problem: Asking me to fluff his pillow for him

Problem: Getting mad when it's not fluffed

Not a problem: Going out to dinner with his friends

Problem: Telling me I can't

Not a problem: Having dinner ready when he gets gome

Not a problem: Constructive criticism on how not to burn the mac and cheese next time

Problem: Refusing to ear it because it's not the dish he wanted, or otherwise complaining unreasonably

Not a problem: Having the house straightened when he gets home

Problem: Expecting it to be straightened at all times and/or complaining when it's not

Not a problem: Doing things for my husband that seem mundane, over the top, like something he can do for himself, ridiculous, or demanding.

Problem: Never hearing a thank you or other forms of appreciation

Problem: Never doing anything for me

So, for me at least, the issue taken is not with "How to be a good Wife" - because honestly I don't think doing most of the things on the list will really hurt anything.  But I do expect my husband to verbally and physically appreciate the fact that he comes home to a cooked meal and a decluttered house.  He better be thankful that I fluffed his pillow, got him a drink, or let him hang with his friends instead of immediately coming home.  And he better extend the same courtesies to me.  I long as I feel respected, appreciated, and not taking advantage of, then I don't really mind being "A Good Wife" as per this erroneous article.

Spouse Points!

So my husband and I have devised a system in order to 'get our way' more often. 

Tell me more!

It started out as a joke, because I would let Andy sleep in and then ask "so how many Good Wife Points did I earn for that? Do I get a dew?"  But the more I joked about earning Wife Points, the more I thought it was brilliant and should be implemented in every marriage.  Obviously Wife Points morphed into Spouse Points, because the husband should be able to earn and spend them as well.

It's kind of a delicate system though.  It loses a lot of it's value if either party starts doing things only to earn spouse points.  You have to WANT to let your husband sleep in, or it's a pointless point-earner.  It's not about who's being the better partner, it's about making it a point to do something nice for your partner that THEY appreciate.

I read a book called The Five Love Languages.  It's pretty popular, and just about everyone I know has read it, so I'm not even gonna go into details.  If you live under a rock and somehow haven't heard about and read this book, here are some links:

The Website
Take The Test
Buy The Book

Spouse Points kind of goes along with the idea of two partners having mismatched Love Languages.  Sometimes we need to go out of our way to speak our partner's Love Language, and Spouse Points is a fun and amusing way to do it.  At least for us, anyways.


How it Works
Each Partner makes their own lists.  Things they don't particularly ENJOY doing, but things they don't MIND doing on occasion make up the ways to earn points, and things they want their partner to do are the rewards.  I think it goes without saying that neither spouse is allowed to pick a reward that negatively effects or makes the other spouse unhappy.  If you need to be told to be considerate to your spouse, you need way more than Spouse Points can ever do for you.  I recommend therapy as a first step.

Here's As Example
Ways for Andy to Earn Points
** Let me sleep in in the mornings, or let me take a nap in the afternoon
** Skip a raid in World of Warcraft
** Watch some lame show on TV that I like but makes Andy want to poke out his eyeballs

Rewards Andy Will Earn
** I'll run a WoW raid with him
** I will get up with the kids at night
** I won't buy soda for a week

The points earned and the cost of rewards are totally up to you and your partner.  If you want each task to be one point, and a reward to be worth 5, that's fine.  Or each task can be worth 10-30, and a reward worth 100-500.  That really doesn't matter, and it's just whatever you want to do.

Why Points Don't Really Matter
Remember the show Who's Line is it Anyway?

"Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter!"  Yeah, it's exactly like that.

The purpose of the whole system is to ensure that you are doing things your spouse appreciates - things that have personal meaning; things that matter to them, and to you.  It's about making gestures towards making your spouse happy, in ways that may be unnatural to you.  My husband doesn't naturally want to sit on the couch and watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager (let's face it, it's an awful show, but I love it), but I love watching TV with him, so it's important to me.  Am I making sense?

But the system also requires you and your partner to REMEMBER these gestures, even when you're mad.  Cute elephant picture, huh? I don't recommend ever calling your partner an elephant, though.

It's super easy to remember the time that your husband didn't dry the floor after he mopped it, and you slipped and cracked your knee cap (trust me, I know).  But when you're angry about your busted knee, it's easy to forget that he mopped the floor because YOUR dog, the one he didn't want but let YOU rescue, had peed on the floor.

When you're mad that your husband hasn't done the dishes in a week, it's easy to exaggerate your claim and scream "you never do anything to help me around here!" because you're super pissed off about the dishes.  You've forgotten that he did the dishes three times last week, and that he took care of the kids and straightened up the living room while you took a nap.

This is why the point amounts don't really matter.  It's just a way to remember what your partner did for you last week, when all you see is red over something they DIDN'T do this week.

Don't Misuse It

This seems so obvious, and I shouldn't need to tell you this!  Like I said earlier, it's not about being the better spouse, and it's not about condescendingly reminding your spouse of how you earned points.  It's about showing love, and remembering ways that love has been shown towards you.  It's not about developing love and respect - you already need to love and respect your partner for Spouse Points to be even remotely useful.  If you're lacking either of these two qualities in your marriage, then you need to look way deeper than this mostly-joke of a system.  Fo' real.


How It Works For Us
Slightly more personal example goes here.  I'm sure lots of people think this system is totally lame and unnecessary, because doing things for your spouse is pretty much a given.  But as it turns out, we're back to those darn Love Languages.  Because sure - doing something for your spouse is a given.  The problem comes when the things you THINK they love aren't, in fact, the things they love.

After a day of scrubbing your floors, doing all the laundry, cleaning every inch of your house, you not only feel accomplished but you feel like you did something amazing for your husband.  You would LOVE to come home to a spotless house that smells like an Early Morning Breeze candle, especially if you weren't the one to clean it.  Your husband gets home, and doesn't make a single comment about how amazingly wonderful the house looks and smells.  Your feelings are hurt, you feel under appreciated, and maybe taken advantage of.  He didn't notice all this work you did for him? WTF, right?  Well, it's not that he didn't appreciate a clean house, it's that he wanted a hug and a kiss when he walked in the door, rather than a tour.  The book I mentioned earlier explains this a lot better and in a lot more detail, but hopefully you understand the way I say it.  If not, click one or all of the links above and find out for yourself.

By each spouse making a list of the things they WANT you to do, in the form of what is essentially a game, they get to tell each other how to demonstrate love without coming off as demanding, superior, unappreciative, or picky.  When my husband told me that playing a video game with him was as important to him as mopping the floor six times in a row is to me, it was a real eye opener.  Even if we stopped there, and never counted points at all, the lists themselves are pretty valuable.

Assigning point values to the rewards is how we demonstrate which activities have a higher importance.  A reward worth 100 points is like a small favor (since most point earners are 10-20 points), but something worth 500, or even 1000 points would be a much larger sacrifice on the part of the rewarder.  We discuss each reward's point value, and come to a consensus based on both importance and level of sacrifice.  Again, if we just stopped the game here and didn't keep going, we're already way past where we were when we started.  We now know how important each display of affection is to our partner, and we now understand how our partner feels about the things that are important to us.

Honestly, we could stop here, and just call it a conversation or an "exercise," but my husband and I just don't work like that.  We're analytical people.  We need numbers, we need charts, we need organization.  This is just another way to have an open, honest conversation with your partner.  Communicating needs is obviously important to a marriage, but a lot of people have trouble with it.  Now it's a game, and that makes it easier.  At least for me, and for us.

And that's pretty much Spouse Points.  It's not a set game - there are actually going to be a lot of "House Rules" that go into it.  It's adaptable, and for a lot of people I'm sure it's completely unnecessary, and you're thinking it's ridiculous that we need this "system" in order to know what our partner wants.  But whatever. =)  So, utilize the system, or think I'm ridiculous, that's totally up to you!

Breast Feeding Will Pay for College!

Heh, no not really.  That would be awesome.  The title of this post is an example of Hyperbole.  I was exaggerating to make a point.  As someone who failed at breast feeding 2.5 times, and sort of succeeded, finally, I have an interesting perspective on the whole concept.

It really seems, from the hole we failures dig for ourselves, that the self proclaimed "Lactivists" make astronomical claims in an effort to get women to breast feed.  Breast milk cures anything, from pink eye, to diaper rash, to CANCER!  Breastfeeding will be the greatest experience of your entire existence, and you'll love every second of it!  Not to mention the things they say about the alternative to breast milk (meaning of course formula).  Commercial formula kills babies!  Commercial formula is really just rat poison!  I could go on like this, on both subjects, for quite some time.

But really, if those are the Lactivists you've encountered, then you have a poor data sample.  Most of them are more realistic, and less idealistic (read: full of crap).  Most of them don't think formula itself is the devil (though many will tell you for hours how evil Nestle is and why), but accept it as a valid alternative when breast feeding is unavailable.  They just think breast feeding should always be the first option.  They are probably right.

We've all heard that "breast is best," and we all know it's true.  We hate having it rubbed in our faces, because it just piles more dirt into the hole we've dug.  Who likes to hear that they CAN'T give their baby the best? That the "naturalist, safest, and purest" product for infants is not available to our own newborn? It sucks.  And deep down we know it's not our fault, but it doesn't matter.  Our bodies have failed us, and that's a bummer.

Everyone preaches that there needs to be more education on breast feeding.  This is true.  It can't be denied that some women fail at breast feeding because they were given bad advice or false information.  It definitely happens.  If pediatricians didn't think a baby should look like the Michelin Man by 2 weeks old, then they wouldn't tell their patients (or rather their patients' parents) to supplement.  The mother wouldn't supplement, her supply wouldn't tank, and she would have been successful.

That's all well and good.  Increase education, beat a few doctors over the head with blunt objects.  But there are a lot of support groups for breast feeding mothers.  There's Le Leche League, there are Lactation Consultants at the hospital, and there's information all over - ALL OVER - the internet.  "I didn't know" is really a poor excuse for anything these days, at least for middle class Americans that can afford the internet.  I get that people DON'T know, but they really SHOULD know.

But there is the camp of mothers like me.  Mothers who know what to do, how to do it, when to do it.  Mothers who don't do anything wrong.  Mother who just have broken boobs.  Where is our support group? We are shunned from LLL because we aren't nursing, and LCs are useless to us.  So we are left to fend for ourselves, surrounded by successful breast feeders every we go, and knowing that we failed.  And BECAUSE we know that we SHOULD be breast feeding, we see judgement every where we go.  Why is that person taring at me while I'm in the formula aisle? Why does that cashier look angry when I buy formula?  That nursing mother is just rubbing it in my face that she has functional tatas.

Honestly it sucks.  I've been there, done that.  Twice in fact.  2.5 times, since while I managed to keep my third baby interested in boobs (a little too interested if you ask me), I still never managed to successful EBF (exclusively breast feed).  There really isn't a lot of support out there, and constantly saying "I tried and failed" as a response to (sometimes only perceived) judgement gets old FAST.  We're told to suck it up, that we shouldn't feel guilty, blah blah blah.  Doesn't really help, does it?

So I'm starting a support group.  I'll even start a Facebook group.  Failed Breast Feeders R Us.  Hmm.. I need a good name.  I suppose I can change it once I get people to join..

Breast is Impossible?
Broken Boobies Club?
Disfunctional Ta Tas Anonymous?
I Hate Your Boobs?

Any ideas?

Harness Good; Booster Bad

Okay, so booster seats obviously aren't a BAD thing, but lately I have seen SO many kids in booster seats that should still be in harnesses.  The minimum requirements of a booster requirement are as follows:

40 pounds
40in tall
4 years old

Almost four is NOT four. 

And truth be told, four is too young for a booster.  Why? Because a child in a booster seat needs to be able to control their impulses.  They need to be able to sit still.  They need to be able to not fall asleep.  They have to be old enough and mature enough to resist the urge to lean forward to get a toy, or especially to unbuckle their seat belt to get to something they can't reach otherwise.  They need to be able to NOT do all the things we do as adults.  Generally speaking, the minimum age that kids can do this is 6, sometimes 5.  Rarely four, and never three!

Reasons you may want to use a booster

I know it's convenient to use a booster seat.  There's no harness adjustment, the kid can buckle themselves in.  Getting in and out of the car is so much faster!  Trust me, I have to harness three kids under four (read: squirmy / sticky kids) in car seats every time I go somewhere.  I have to get them out of their harnesses when we get where we're going, and I have to put them back in when we're done.  This does in fact make quick errands a total pain in the butt.  I either suck it up or make my husband run those errands sans children (or make him watch the children while I do it myself).  Like all three year olds, mine is willful, defiant, and has an over-developed sense of independance.  Honestly, this just means he has all the more reason to stay in a harness!

And of course a booster seat a milestone that means out babies are growing up. *bitter sweet tear*  But just like every other growing up milestone, reaching it too early isn't a good thing.  Would you make your 6 month old learn to walk, or feed your 2 week old baby strained peas?  No, probably not, because you know they aren't ready for that kind of development.  Likewise, your 3-4 year old kid isn't ready for the kind of development it takes to sit safely in a booster seat, and you shouldn't make them.

Reasons you should use a booster

The ONLY reason to use a booster seat is that your child has outgrown his five-point harness by either height or weight.  Since the average, cheapest, forward facing car seat harnesses to 40 or 50 pounds, I find it hard to believe that an average three-year-old has outgrown it.  Some three-year-olds, yes - of course.  Every child is different.  But if that's the case, then the correct decision is to buy an expensive car seat.  I know it's tight on a lot of budgets, but being unsafe isn't a valid option.  Sorry, but it's not, and boostering a child that's too young for it is unsafe.

Examples of Booster Positioning

This is MY 3-year-old.  He is 43in tall, and he weighs 63 pounds.  I am hard pressed to find another 3-year-old that is as tall or as heavy as mine.  I'm sure they exist, I've just never met one.  Here is Luke in a booster seat.

The shoulder strap should be across the middle of his shoulder - in this picture it's too close to his neck.
The lap belt should be across his thighs, but in this picture it's across his soft belly, which encases his soft internal organs.  Do you think that the seat belt forces during a collision should hit him in the stomach?

This is NOT a good Booster seat fit at all.

Point I'm making: ff my enormous 3-year-old doesn't fit in a booster seat yet, then your average sized 3-year-old most definitely doesn't.  And proper fit is only the first requirement.

This is what a correct fit looks like:

Side by side for an easy comparison:

High back booster good; No/low back booster bad.

Again, not always bad, but bad if the child isn't ready.  A high back booster (like both pictures above) provides protection in the case of a side collision.  Instead of an outbound seated child's head hitting the window of the car, his head will hit the nicely padded, soft cushion that is part of his booster seat.  And if your child is belted in the middle position, then his head, neck, and spine have a much shorter distance to travel to one side before being stopped.  Why would you ever NOT give them that as long as possible? The only reason to use a low back booster is if the child has outgrown the back.

Reasons to stop using a booster seat

"I'm going to be laughed at" isn't sufficient.  While it is heartbreaking to think of our children being teased, and while instinct may tell us to prevent it at most costs, this is not one of the costs to risk.  Giving up the booster seat too early could mean the life of your child - they still need to be protected even if it's potentially embarrassing.  The only valid reason to take your child out of a booster seat is if the safety belt fits them better without one.

Don't believe be yet? Want some crash test videos? Here you go!

Side impact with a high back booster:

Backless versus high back:

Submarining: The motion of an occupant when one or both hips slide under the lap belt, so that the belt applies crash forces to the soft abdominal area between the pelvis and ribs

 

Last but not least, here's an ad from Britax for their booster seat.  All marketing aside, they have some informative drawings detailing the issues with booster seats if not used correctly.  And if your child is too small or not mature enough, the seat won't be used correctly.

 Had enough? Here's one more.  Meet Kyle.  He was in a booster seat, but the buckle on his seat belt failed.  Had he been harnessed and installed with the seat belt, it still would have failed, but he would have been tethered with the top anchor.  The seat would not have been ejected.  And if he wasn't tethered, the seat would have been ejected WITH him, as opposed to just Kyle being ejected.  It would have still provided a bit of protection, and while he would have been seriously injured, he may have survived.

 There are few decisions we can make as parents that come with guarantees of safety or happiness, but we still do the best we can.  Don't let a booster seat be a bad decision.