Friday, August 12, 2011

20 Facts You Know I'm Right About

1. The toilet paper is not going to put itself on the roll

2. There's always gonna be one douche bag that waits until the last second to merge, because somehow being 25 feet closer to the inevitable red light is superior to your position.

3. Movies you loved at 12 are rarely as good when you watch them at 25.  Their quality degrades over time.

4. Analog clocks without numbers on them should be banned.

5. Sarcasm is lost on the masses, especially when the masses are on the internet.  The same can be sad for intelligence and grammer. (catch that one?)

6. As time goes on, trends in baby names get stupider and less educated.

7. As time goes on, people get less educated in general.

8. As I get older, I find myself losing brain cells along the way.  I no longer remember things I used to remember.  This is obviously the fault of aliens.

9. Buying a brand new car is never the right decision.

10. Having a child won't make people grow up if they don't want to.

11. Sideways pony tails are never coming back.

12. Fitted sheets are best folded by being wadded into a ball and flung with no remorse into the linen closet.

13. Red lights exist so people don't have to text and drive at the same time.

14. Some names should be reserved for pets, cars, or video game characters.

15. Gene Roddenberry invented the eReader in the 60s.

16. There is nothing scarier than the moment you KNOW you are going to die because you tipped your chair back too far.

17. The light at the end of the tunnel is probably a train.

18. Television shows for toddlers and pre-schoolers, who are learning to talk and read, should not include made up words like "tellaterrific" or "alphabatastic."  This is just counter productive, IMO.

19. Middle school is pretty much the third circle of Hell, and we're all lucky to have made it out alive.

20. High school drama never ends in high school.

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