I raise my voice too often.
I hate cleaning, and therefore
My house is not spotlessly clean.
I loathe soccer games.
I raise my voice too much.
I don't have enough patience.
I long for date nights, and
Laundromat nights.
I reach the end of my rope too often.
I hate it when my kids try to help with chores.
My kids always need a bath,
Even if I just bathed them.
I feed them processed food sometimes,
And don't always cook elaborate meals.
I let them watch TV
and climb trees.
I recognize their needs and
Meet them when I can.
I recognize their wants
And try to fulfill them.
I love them unconditionally
Always, forever, and beyond.
I play with them.
I teach them things.
They are the reason I breathe
The reason I get out of bed.
I will never hurt them.
I will always try to keep them safe.
I will always do the best I can,
And I will take care of myself so
I can always be here for them.
I teach them skills and manners.
I respect them, cherish them,
Adore them, live for them.
I am their mom and that means
I am a perfect mother.
This is pretty poorly written poem (it doesn't even rhyme, Kes!), but that's not the point. I've said it myself, and I hear it all the time - "the perfect mother." But I think we have a skewed idea of perfection in the mothering department. You don't have to do everything right all the time, and you don't have to do everything the best. Love your children, and do right by them. That's perfection.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Mommy Martyrs
We've all met them - the Mommy Martyrs. Those mom's who not only sacrifice constantly for their children, and fight conventions, but make sure that everyone knows about it.
I make sacrifices for my children - most mother's do. We give up a lot of more mundane things, like time with our friends and husbands, or our bodies. We let our brains turn to mush because the only conversations we have all day long are about Dora, the color and shape of poop, and what flavor jelly to use.
Many of us also fight popular conventions. We refuse to turn our car seats around at 1 year, breastfeed, delay solids until past six months. Maybe we didn't circ, or had a natural birth. Awesome work! Keep it up! Buuut...
STFU.
Okay, so that's a bit of a stretch - no one actually says all that at once. But I have actually seen someone say "I read up on this topic while breast feeding my toddler. I find it really interesting."
.... Transparent much? Kudos to you for breast feeding your toddler. It's good for him, and it fights conventions (I'm generally ALL FOR fighting conventions). But asking for a pat on the back in random places is too self serving for my taste. That's not our job as mothers. We're supposed to do what's best for our kids, not to get attention, but because it's best for them.
Don't get me wrong. I love attention. And I love when someone notices that I'm still nursing, or that I have two rear facing car seats. Similarly, I would loathe it when someone comments negatively on these things (not that anyone ever has so far). But I see no reason to mention that I breast feed in a Facebook group about car seats, or mention that my kid is uncirc'd on a JustMommies board about breast feeding.
And (here it comes) I roll my eyes at people who do. Not all the people that do. Just that ones that seem to need validation for every choice they ever make regarding their children. Stand up for them, stand up for yourself, do your research, and make informed decisions. You don't need people to constantly notice and tell you "great job!" for doing something you should be doing anyways.
/end rant
I make sacrifices for my children - most mother's do. We give up a lot of more mundane things, like time with our friends and husbands, or our bodies. We let our brains turn to mush because the only conversations we have all day long are about Dora, the color and shape of poop, and what flavor jelly to use.
Many of us also fight popular conventions. We refuse to turn our car seats around at 1 year, breastfeed, delay solids until past six months. Maybe we didn't circ, or had a natural birth. Awesome work! Keep it up! Buuut...
STFU.
Okay, so that's a bit of a stretch - no one actually says all that at once. But I have actually seen someone say "I read up on this topic while breast feeding my toddler. I find it really interesting."
.... Transparent much? Kudos to you for breast feeding your toddler. It's good for him, and it fights conventions (I'm generally ALL FOR fighting conventions). But asking for a pat on the back in random places is too self serving for my taste. That's not our job as mothers. We're supposed to do what's best for our kids, not to get attention, but because it's best for them.
Don't get me wrong. I love attention. And I love when someone notices that I'm still nursing, or that I have two rear facing car seats. Similarly, I would loathe it when someone comments negatively on these things (not that anyone ever has so far). But I see no reason to mention that I breast feed in a Facebook group about car seats, or mention that my kid is uncirc'd on a JustMommies board about breast feeding.
And (here it comes) I roll my eyes at people who do. Not all the people that do. Just that ones that seem to need validation for every choice they ever make regarding their children. Stand up for them, stand up for yourself, do your research, and make informed decisions. You don't need people to constantly notice and tell you "great job!" for doing something you should be doing anyways.
/end rant
Thursday, September 22, 2011
10 Things My Kids Don't Know About Me
There are more than 10. There will always be more than 10, at least until I've moved on from this life. But I think these are the ten that will actually affect them someday (some sooner than later).
1. I have a tattoo. By the time they figure out what a tattoo is, I may have more than one.
2. I hate Dora.
3. I've "done that" with my husband more than the three times required to produce the children.
4. Going to the bathroom is actually very routine and mundane, even for me.
5. There are moms out there who make mac and cheese even better than I do.
5b. There are moms out there who never make mac and cheese. Ever.
6. I've done things in the past that I may have to lie about when they are teenagers.
7. I wanted to name all of them something other than what they are named, and, for the most part, wanted their genders to all be opposite (of course I love them for the anatomical parts they have, but I'm just sayin).
8. I'm actually terrible at drawing Mickey Mouse and Phineas Flynn, and even more terrible at cake decorating.
9. I never changed my last name.
10. I think their boogers, however interestingly shaped they may be, are gross.
1. I have a tattoo. By the time they figure out what a tattoo is, I may have more than one.
2. I hate Dora.
3. I've "done that" with my husband more than the three times required to produce the children.
4. Going to the bathroom is actually very routine and mundane, even for me.
5. There are moms out there who make mac and cheese even better than I do.
5b. There are moms out there who never make mac and cheese. Ever.
6. I've done things in the past that I may have to lie about when they are teenagers.
7. I wanted to name all of them something other than what they are named, and, for the most part, wanted their genders to all be opposite (of course I love them for the anatomical parts they have, but I'm just sayin).
8. I'm actually terrible at drawing Mickey Mouse and Phineas Flynn, and even more terrible at cake decorating.
9. I never changed my last name.
10. I think their boogers, however interestingly shaped they may be, are gross.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunshine, Rainbows, Perspective, and New Buttons!
I'm taking some time out of my normal rambling awesomeness to give myself a bit of a plug. I have a fan page on Facebook now, so you should click that nifty "like" button on the right. And while you're at it, do me a favor and rate my blog for The Mom Blogs (but only if you like it - skip rating it if you hate it, obviously).
That said, let's move on.
I love my children, and they are my world. When I suffered from depression for three years, they were the ONLY reason I dragged myself out of bed in the morning, and interacted with the world. They kept me going when no one and nothing else was able to. Obviously I love them. Obviously I want what's best for them. But even given all that.. my life is not sunshine and rainbows, and that's okay sometimes. It's okay that sometimes my facebook status is "I want to crawl back into bed until tomorrow." And when I post this, I don't need to be reminded of how 90% of the world is so much worse off than I am.
It really upsets me when people, especially women, suggest to other women that their feelings aren't valid because someone else is worse off somewhere. Here are some example scenarios:
"Ugh, my kids are so frustrating today. Is it nap time yet?"
"You know, there are alot of women in the world who would give anything to have frustrating children, if only they could have children at all."
"My baby was up all night crying for *insert reason here*. I'm so exhausted I can barely think."
"You should be glad your baby CAN cry. Lots of babies in the NICU have tubes in their throats and noses, and they can't cry."
"My son is being so annoying today, I just don't know what to do with him!"
"At least you have a son. I lost my baby at 13 weeks."
Uhhh.. thanks? You're right, I guess, but was making her feel like crap for being frustrated really necessary? I'll tell you: no, it wasn't. If you know a parent that does nothing but complain about their children all day every day, then by all means - throw some perspective in their face. But when a normally cheerful and happy mother complains once that she's frustrated with life or whatever, just let her have her freakin moment.
The concept that mothers must be perfect, that we must always be enjoying our children every moment, that we can never think about anything negative because it's just not proper.. this bugs me. Life isn't perfect, and I hate the way we make each other feel inferior by suggesting it should be. I hate the way we shove mothers into hiding their feelings, because of how "improper" it is to think negatively about your children.
I was once told that I must not love my children enough because I would pay someone to change all the blow out poopy diapers. Instead of thinking about how gross the poop is as it seeps over the edge of the diaper and onto your fingers, you should just be thankful that you have a baby that can make such diapers, as opposed to having suffered a loss. Uhhh.... no. I mean, yeah - I'm thankful I have a baby that can poop, but the fact that I would pay someone to live in my basement and emerge only to change all these diapers in no way means that I don't love my children, or have compassion for people who don't have pooping babies in their lives.
We really need to stop attaching this "Sunshine and Rainbows" stigma to parenting. All we're doing is hurting ourselves and each other in the process. Sure, there are some mothers who could use some perspective; that's obvious. But I think the majority of us fully understand that our lives could be worse, but that doesn't mean we have to enjoy every second of them, just the same.
That said, let's move on.
I love my children, and they are my world. When I suffered from depression for three years, they were the ONLY reason I dragged myself out of bed in the morning, and interacted with the world. They kept me going when no one and nothing else was able to. Obviously I love them. Obviously I want what's best for them. But even given all that.. my life is not sunshine and rainbows, and that's okay sometimes. It's okay that sometimes my facebook status is "I want to crawl back into bed until tomorrow." And when I post this, I don't need to be reminded of how 90% of the world is so much worse off than I am.
It really upsets me when people, especially women, suggest to other women that their feelings aren't valid because someone else is worse off somewhere. Here are some example scenarios:
"Ugh, my kids are so frustrating today. Is it nap time yet?"
"You know, there are alot of women in the world who would give anything to have frustrating children, if only they could have children at all."
"My baby was up all night crying for *insert reason here*. I'm so exhausted I can barely think."
"You should be glad your baby CAN cry. Lots of babies in the NICU have tubes in their throats and noses, and they can't cry."
"My son is being so annoying today, I just don't know what to do with him!"
"At least you have a son. I lost my baby at 13 weeks."
Uhhh.. thanks? You're right, I guess, but was making her feel like crap for being frustrated really necessary? I'll tell you: no, it wasn't. If you know a parent that does nothing but complain about their children all day every day, then by all means - throw some perspective in their face. But when a normally cheerful and happy mother complains once that she's frustrated with life or whatever, just let her have her freakin moment.
The concept that mothers must be perfect, that we must always be enjoying our children every moment, that we can never think about anything negative because it's just not proper.. this bugs me. Life isn't perfect, and I hate the way we make each other feel inferior by suggesting it should be. I hate the way we shove mothers into hiding their feelings, because of how "improper" it is to think negatively about your children.
I was once told that I must not love my children enough because I would pay someone to change all the blow out poopy diapers. Instead of thinking about how gross the poop is as it seeps over the edge of the diaper and onto your fingers, you should just be thankful that you have a baby that can make such diapers, as opposed to having suffered a loss. Uhhh.... no. I mean, yeah - I'm thankful I have a baby that can poop, but the fact that I would pay someone to live in my basement and emerge only to change all these diapers in no way means that I don't love my children, or have compassion for people who don't have pooping babies in their lives.
We really need to stop attaching this "Sunshine and Rainbows" stigma to parenting. All we're doing is hurting ourselves and each other in the process. Sure, there are some mothers who could use some perspective; that's obvious. But I think the majority of us fully understand that our lives could be worse, but that doesn't mean we have to enjoy every second of them, just the same.
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